The
“crazy” in every young and educated Asian woman often comes alive abroad.
Or
maybe in every woman, regardless of educational qualification or
nationality.
I
came to this realization when I left home to work in Hong Kong two years ago.
Every twentysomething who lived abroad will have their own share of
misadventures and “you should have been there” stories that people back home
would have a hard time relating to, particularly if the setting is in an international
city – where value systems are as transient as the people visiting its borders.
Hong Kong's Lights and Shadows
A
twentysomething Asian woman will often be misunderstood once she comes back
home. The stories she would share about dancing on bar tops would be deemed out
of character, her experiences about her quest for independence - interpreted as
boasting, and her tagged party photos, clothing choices and relationship status
become favorite topics among the “friends” she had long left behind. Because of
social media, the supposedly profound quest for self-discovery is up for public
scrutiny and thus, devalued. You have to have really thick skin to brush off what
people will think. But for some, the desire to please others still reigns. They
become very careful with what they reveal online about their alter egos abroad.
It’s all just wasted energy.
Just your average Ladies Night @ Wan Chai, Hong Kong
Remember
that a photograph is worth a thousand words. If you were to judge at all, first
try to understand. If you’re a woman, even more so.
As
a young person who lived abroad, affinity was often established at the
onset of meeting new people from different cultures, simply from the shared
experience of being a foreigner living abroad. This is different from what
happens at home, where social ties are determined by social status, educational
attainment, religious beliefs, standards of beauty and other social structures. To an Asian woman,
this freedom from the confines of social structures becomes an opportunity to
discover oneself outside the intense scrutiny of a judgmental society, strict
religious practices, embedded cultural norms, and parental supervision. You become independent for the
first time - geographically (as you live on your own), emotionally (as the
safety blanket of your friends is not with you) and even perhaps financially
(the classic component of what it means to be independent). You can finally
begin anew as no reputation of yours will haunt you in your new social backdrop
the way your past did back home, where social circles tend to overlap and
dictate everything - from who you could date to which companies you could work
for to even something as mundane as the restaurants you frequent. You could
experiment with the many facets of your personality, turn fantasy into reality,
do something you have never done before, and not be judged for it.
A fun night out with friends from different parts of the world
You
could be who you want to be.
And
when you come to this realization, the liberation begins. Some Asian women have
a few weeks or months of crazy nights partying or thrill seeking, but
eventually, they revert back to who they are. Others continue on for years
until they become the person they discovered abroad. Eventually, home is no
longer the place they grew up in, but rather, the place where they most felt
like themselves. And there is no right or wrong in whatever choice you would
make. That is the greatest sense of liberation any woman could have - knowing
that you always have a choice to determine which version of yourself you’re
most happy with in an environment that brings out the best in you. The answer
is relative to each person.
When Audrey met Ronald
In
living away from home, I also discovered what spheres of influence colored my
decisions and also what my sources of esteem were. This newfound self-awareness
helped me discover my worth outside what typically defined me back home (i.e.,
what job I had, who my family was, who I was dating, where I studied, etc.)
because all these imbedded structures took a halt abroad as I was free to be
who I wanted to be. My esteem is firmer because I learned not to hide under the
shadow of my friends, the protection of a relationship, and the stability of a
job, among many other things. I learned that being true to who I was is enough.
I’m lucky to have made friends along the way, who value self-discovery just as
much as I do and continue to support me in my decisions without judgment.
Friendships across borders... and countless rooftops
In
one’s twenties, we women fluctuate from playing “saint” and “sinner” and
experiment with our identities now more than ever, until eventually, we find a
happy medium. A state of being that is simply – you. You don’t have to go
abroad to be able to discover yourself ala Eat Pray Love. You just need the
courage to ask the question – who am I?
Tram Party!
I
promise you that the journey will be worth more than the destination.
Hong Kong (2011 - 2013)
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