My Ex called Travel

Let me tell you about my ex called travel. 

He was my escape. He took me to places I've never been before. He made me do things that I wouldn't normally to. I parasailed, rode an elephant, partied with strangers, caught my first wave, went on a scenic hike, biked for three hours, tried exotic cuisine, haggled in night markets.

Durian Sidestreet Stall, Davao 

He made me believe I'm more than who I think I am. He told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. He never judged me when I went a little crazy. He encouraged me to befriend a sweet Malaysian girl I was sharing a bunk bed with. He gave me the extra strength I needed to play foosball with a fun assortment of characters in the living room of the hostel I was staying in.

Meander Hostel, Taipei

He didn't care that sometimes all I wanted to do was stay in and lie by the beach and read, or that sometimes I followed a schedule filled to the brim. At the end of the day, we would collapse together, having ventured far and wide via land, sea and air. He didn't get confused when I lit a candle in a church, offered incense in a temple, or wrote a wish in a shrine. He tolerated me whenever I stopped to take a selfie with one of the "must-see's" wherever I was, or when I took photos of my feet in the sand. 

Nusa Dua Beach, Bali

I miss him. But there was a reason why we broke up.

Eventually, our shared fascination with seeking adventures faded away. It was what held us together back then. Perhaps I turned into Wendy, and decided to embrace my adult responsibilities. Living for the moment no longer appealed to me. Instead of spending to satisfy my urges, I’d rather save for the future. Instead of chasing the night away, I preferred to snuggle close to my comforter. But he was stubborn and remained as Peter, the boy who never wanted to grow up, who lived for the moment but remained restless as he delayed the inevitable.

Playing with Fire, Boracay

Perhaps we broke up because how I define adventure at this point in my life has changed. I am about to turn 28. Now, what excites me is stability. Routine. The ordinary. Possibility has lost its luster; owning up to my choices is now the mantra I want to live by.

That is how we grew apart.

Yet, I will never forget the year we shared. The year I spent all my savings catching the first glimpse of the sun in the empty pier of Asia’s busiest harbour. The year I always left my hometown every long weekend to be with him. The year I tried so many things, explored so many facets of my personality, as my morals revealed themselves in the different environments I became exposed to.  

Sunrise in Victoria Harbor, Hong Kong

Farewell to my ex called travel. 

I am no longer enamored by the idea of you, and the possibilities you bring. I know that the next time you come back to my life, you won’t have the same hold as you did before.Next time you’ll be with me, my intentions will be different. I am no longer running away from life because I no longer want to escape it through you. I am content with where I am. I’ve found the peace I used to searched for in distant shores, mountains and metropolises, simply within myself. I’ve finally come to terms with where I am in life, and don’t need you as a distraction. Chasing the moment is no longer a game I want to play, as I want to take the present as it is – so there’s no need to chase anything anymore.  My compass is simply honoring the things and people that bring me genuine joy and peace as I navigate the waters of this new-old world.

View from Movenpick Hotel Balcony, Cebu

But thank you for showing me another side to myself. And another side of the world. You made me appreciate where I am, and more importantly, you lead me to where I want to be.

You lead me to me.

To the year that was, New Years Eve 2014, Subic

When Purpose Stalks You

Meet purpose, your lifelong stalker. 

This stalker is invisible. Like your own shadow, its presence looms around your peripheral, waiting for you take notice. It manifests its presence in the strangest, most random circumstances - as you prepare for your daily report, have lunch with your colleagues, jam to your Spotify morning commute, space out in a meeting, or lie in bed wide awake contemplating where your life is headed. 

Maybe you've always known your purpose as a child. But you snubbed it for worldlier "purposes" - killing hours for play and imagination to secure a slot in a program you don't care about, or doing things just for the sake of adding lines to your resume. Or maybe you took the drastic route and lived abroad to distract yourself. 

Your stalker watches from a considerable distance as you hop from one job to another. Some get lucky, for their internal compasses align with the needs of the world at the third attempt to be a productive member of society. But for others, external motivators, like a high salary or health care package, distract from claiming ones true purpose. Things may look good on paper but for some reason nothing feel right. As you continue justifying to yourself where you are, you begin drifting through life, marching towards the grave you dug for yourself, burying your creative spirit in the process. 

If you continue lying to yourself, you could begin drinking with an amount that is directly proportional to the amount of money you are making and the stress that comes with it. Or at one point take medication to quell some form of ache masked as your typical migraine but is a symptom of some other form of pain - the pain of neglect. In extreme cases, the “neglect” disease starts as a recurring cold that ends up as the flu until you find yourself at the hospital in your quest to find a piece of the world - only to forget yourself.

Some are lucky, because to them, all of this is worth it. It was just burnout, that is all. They can go back into the world after such hiatus with a renewed sense of ambition and pride knowing that they are willing to live and die for the craft meant exactly for people like them. There is nothing wrong with that. For others, life seems to have given them no option due to obligations to fulfill, so they make it work no matter what. 

More often than not, regardless of what burdens you carry, you find yourself breaking down. Your outer facade has given in to a force beyond your comprehension. You don’t know where it came from or where it will lead, but boy, it feels good. You feel alive. You found that verb that encompasses your entire being and it is flowing through you. You found that force that is meant to be shared and not kept inside. But you don’t know where to start. As you begin to doubt this feeling yet again and deprive it of its place in your life, your mind sensibly comes up with strategies to deal with anxiety and uncertainty, analyzing how much time and money you need to own up to who you are meant to be. 

Your lifelong stalker is your purpose, your missing piece, your best self. If you don’t find it, it will find you. If you reject it, it will come back. If you ignore it, it will scream louder.

So don’t be afraid to walk on water. Trust that inner force that pounds louder with the passing of time. Take that risk that may seem crazy to others but makes sense to you, because after years of ignoring it you’ve finally allowed yourself to fully live for something greater than yourself. Choose the path that makes you feel most alive. Otherwise, continue withering and living a half-life, with the heavy burden of never even trying, eventually dying from the disease of neglecting your lifelong stalker - waiting in the shadows of the life you were meant to live.

A piece of advise from Davao's D' Bone Collector Museum

The Five Stages of Self-Discovery while Abroad

 I remember writing this from my office desk around March of this year, as I idled time away on a not-so-busy day. Tweaked it a bit after coming home. Here is my attempt to demystify the stages of self-discovery while working abroad, in city like Hong Kong. 

The first stage of finding yourself in Hong Kong is novelty, just like in any other foreign city. It’s discovering how different you are by literally “sensing” your way around the place. It’s taking in your surroundings and filling your senses with the distinct smell of roasted barbeque pork, the iconic sight of Hong Kong’s majestic skyline, the orchestrated sound of footsteps rushing as soon as the beeping of MTR gates are heard, or the Panda you wish you could touch, pet and feed bamboo shoots to in Ocean Park. As soon as you enter Hong Kong’s airport you know that this city is not for the faint of heart, because here, your senses need to keep up, and so does your walking pace.

The next stage of finding yourself is called exploration. Let novelty fill you with boundless energy to explore Hong Kong through its tram system, MTR system, bus system, ferry system, or better yet, by hiring a junk boat, biking on its outlying islands, hiking its mountains, walking through its night markets, or by plain fumbling through its nooks and crannies and discovering something new every time. Explore Hong Kong and become the tease, saint, intellectual or socialite you have always wanted to be. All the world is a stage in this land of possibilities, with your backdrop and audience changing each time.

The next stage is called confusion. As you have many crazy adventures you start thinking if this is the person you want to be, and swear that you’ll mellow down. But then you do it again… and again… and again… whatever “it” may be. Wake up calls come in the form of a person from your not-so distant past– a friend, a significant other or a family member, who had been neglected as you continue living in an alternate universe frozen in time.

As your over-fatigued body catches up with the busy lifestyle you lead, you are forced into isolation, and forced into a period of reflection. Some opt for yoga retreats, others live in remote islands, some simply stay in during weekends, and others book trips home or book trips to the nearest third-world paradise. This period is crucial not just to re-energize, but also to realize the things that are truly worth it. In fact, you realize that there is an end to begin with, like many other good things in this world.

If you choose to stay or move on, either way you will reach a state of enlightenment, the final stage of this journey. It’s enlightenment that comes with knowing what you are capable of in this place of numerous possibilities, drawing your limits, and sticking with your decisions and whatever consequences they bring. Living in the present takes a whole new meaning, because now the present involves how you integrate your past with the future you anticipate, versus its old connotation of simply going with the flow.

And so, to find yourself in Hong Kong is to find a way to return to who you are amidst its many clashing values and propositions. It’s knowing that when you leave, you achieved the reason you came in the first place, from the choices you made during your brief yet wondrous stay in this city for gods and men.

Hung Up on Hong Kong

 I wrote this after my first year of working in Hong Kong back in 2011, as an attempt to capture the spirit of this dynamic city.   

  

If at one point in your life you live in Hong Kong, you need to brace yourself. The iconic view of Hong Kong skyline is enough proof that it’s a land of possibilities. It’s a transit city, where people from all over the world come and go as often as the Star Ferry sets sail from Hong Kong Island to Tsim Sha Tsui. It’s the City of Now, with its heartbeat felt across the unforgiving pace of its subway escalators, along with passengers who expertly weave their way in the crowd, as their eyes remain fixated on their Iphone screens. To locals, this battle for survival is just like any other day, reflecting the rat race they face daily at their corporate jobs. To foreigners, it’s a taste of just how developed this part of Asia is. You just know that being here is where you need to be- at the gateway to booming China, yet not too drastic from your comfort zone. You could be coming from the East or West, as an exchange student, a domestic helper, an English teacher, an entrepreneur, or an investment banker and still find a piece of home in its multicultural people, breadth of cuisine, and contrasts in landscape. You could be sampling seafood in one of Hong Kong’s outlying islands, shopping until you drop at the nearest mall from your hotel or flat, or exploring traces of ancient Chinese culture during an afternoon hike at the New Territories. The options in Hong Kong are limitless, making it a dangerous city for the weak of will. Lifestyle choice is everything, considering how much you make and what part of the world you’re from. You can live it up every weekend partying with the most exotic people at Lan Kwai Fong, hop on a train to Shenzhen to get a cheap massage, or take the last ferry to Macau and gamble until sunrise. 

Find yourself before coming here, find yourself while you are here, or lose yourself in its neon lights and drunken nights until you say you’ve had enough… only to find that when you fly back to your homeland, where people walk slow and where barbeque pork can taste better, you realize that you’re still and have always been in love with Hong Kong, and will make ends meet to book a plane ticket back to experience its pulsating energy all over again.